Sorryschrijfsel ontvangen

Ja, ik heb al een sorryschrijfsel binnen! Nu jullie nog. Maar troost je want na de Pasen krijgt iedereen in Nederland een soortgelijke brief met excuses, ondertekend door de meest voor de hand liggende, gewoonlijke schuldigen. Figuren die deze brief mede willen ondertekenen om alleen maar in de belangstelling te komen of om interessant te doen, worden geweerd. Sorry, mense!

Na mijn eis om wraak en om een kakafonie aan sorrygekrijs te willen horen kreeg ik de volgende mailtjes:

(1)
Dear Breinbrouwsels,
You want to have executed a punishment on Wouter Bos
You choose to Sink his boat. Excellent choice.
We will execute your punishment next Friday at 10:24
Thanks for your support. And on behalf of Fortis Bank sorry for everything.

Kind regards,
Ronny Bibb
CEO (chief execution officer) at shootabanker.com

(2)
To: Breinbrouwsels
Date: 8-Apr-2009
Apology reference code: 89348634
Subject: apology request

Dear Breinbrouwsels,
With this letter we at the Fortis Bank would like to apologize for what we have done to you.
We are really really really sorry. Really! You got to trust us on that. Really.
Well what happened? We generally sort of fucked up. Everything. And that’s not really good. Especially, because it was your money and we received ridiculous bonuses for this job we screwed up. No. It is something to be ashamed of. Although shame is an emotion that I personaly sort of have to grow in to.
I was not really thinking when I was running this bank. Although you would expect from somebody like me and my buddies to have known better. It sort of got out of hand a bit when we were trying to get richer and richer. But at that point we really believed that you our loyal customers in the end would also benefit from our products. Now it seems that actually we, the board and some other geeks are the only ones benefitting and that’s why we decided to say sorry. For everything.

Again sorry. And I promise that we at Fortis Bank will spend your tax money wisely. Ok?

We wish you all the luck for you and your money or what’s left of it. And if there is anything we can do. Welll… Yeah.

All the best,

Wouter Bos
Fortis Bank
3512 BP Utrecht
wouter.bos@shootabanker.com

Ik heb dan wel nooit iets van of met Fortis van doen gehad maar alle excuses helpen. Hieronder ook nog wat letters die bij de mailtjes horen. Vraag niet wat er staat, ik lees geen engelse schrijfsels.

(3)
(This is a fake letter. It is a joke. We’re not really sending this out of the name of the bank. It is a representation of what it would be like if we lived in a perfect world. If you want your bank or name removed. Say sorry and we will;) Don’t ask your lawyer to send us letters or you would not be spending our tax money wisely. www.shootabanker.com.